Reaching for Goals

Since elementary school we are told that we should be setting goals, both Long-Term and Short-Term, and that is about the extent of the education that the majority of the population receives. Setting goals is the #1 way of achieving prosperity, yet 90% of the population doesn’t even set goals. So we have to wonder, if setting goals helps you become successful, why not set them?

There are 3 main reasons you justify not setting goals. Lets take a look at each of them:

1. You don’t know how: What is a short-term goal, or a long-term goal? What is a goal? So many questions, so many steps, if only there was an easy way to learn all this… like maybe using Google?!?!?!?
2. You are too lazy: You had to wake up early, work hard all day, you just want to come home and relax, maybe watch a little TV. Who needs to set goals, it just means more work, right?
3. You Sub-Conscious won’t let you: My favorite topic to write about, the sub-conscious. Your sub-conscious knows that you are lazy and so will try to talk you out of it by saying: “If I set this goal and I don’t accomplish it, we won’t feel too good, so lets just avoid it all together.”

Ok, so now you know why you are not setting goals, so there is only one thing to do now… SET A GOAL! There are two basic steps here they are:

Why You Should Write You Goals Down NOW!!!!
How To Set SMART Goals

A few days ago, I ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in a few years. After the pleasantries, I asked her how she has been. She got a frustrated look and said, “I’ve been good, just really busy.” Then she asked me how I have been, and I thought about all of my projects, and also said, “I’ve been good, just really busy”. Now this is the part that I found interesting, she gave me a look in which I knew that she did not believe me. That’s what got me thinking about this topic.

If you ask anyone, at anytime, how they are doing, you will always get the standard response, “I’ve been good, just really busy.” My question is simple, are people really as busy as they claim? There are several reasons why people give the default answer of “I’ve been busy.” Lets take a look at a few of the top reasons:

• Subconscious: Again, my favorite topic, the Subconscious. The subconscious works by believing in repeated messages. If you always say “I’m Busy”, “I’m Busy”, “I’m Busy”, can you guess what the message that your subconscious receives… “I’m Busy”. Again, it doesn’t matter if you are telling the truth or not, to the subconscious, everything is the truth. So not only do you convince yourself that you are busy, but you feel better about yourself.
• Ego: Everyone likes to feel good about themselves, right? So if you say to someone “I’ve been busy”, even though they most likely won’t believe you, it still feels better than saying “I’ve been slacking off and watching TV.”
• Confusion With Being Productive: There is a huge difference in being “Busy” and bring “Productive”. Playing video games all day will keep me busy, but not productive.
• General Answer: For most people, saying “I’ve been Busy” is just a quick standard response.

Now, instead of saying that I’ve just “been busy”, and sending a message to my subconscious to find ways to prove itself right and focuses on keeping me “busy”, I say that I’ve “been productive”. My subconscious now focuses on finding ways on making me more productive.

Give it a try. For the next few people you meet, take a look at their reactions when you simply say that you are “busy” compared to if you say that you are “productive.” If you say you are busy, they will just pass it off as a standard answer, but if you say that you have been productive, they will ask you what you have been up to and show more interest in you.

The first movie is the new Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, book 5 in the 7-part series. I am going to try to stay away from any spoilers, but just in case, read at your own risk.

Although most people are saying that this is the worst of the 5 movies so far, I found it to be the best because of the leadership skills that Harry discovers were in him all along. So far our hero Harry has found himself isolated, fighting alone for the good side against Lord Voldimort and his evil minions. Up to this point, although he had the support of his friends, he had been going at it alone. All that changed when he realized, through the help of his friends, that he is not alone. Up to now he kept the ones that he loves at a distance, trying to protect them, but it only ended up hurting him. Now he embraces their support and has the role of being a leader thrust upon him. His teaching methods are one based off of real life and not out of a book.

An example of this is the Patronus Charm, which Harry learned in book 3- The Prisoner of Azkaban. This is a spell that is supposed to be very difficult to learn and is too advanced for students Harry’s age. Not only did Harry master it, but he was able to teach it to many students his age. This shows his ability as a teacher, as well as demonstrates the loyalty of those that believe him. Harry only becomes powerful enough to take on Voldimort’s mininions when he has an internal conversation with his sub-conscious. This transformation is very similar to the one that Aragorn has in Lord of the Rings.

Overall I really enjoyed this movie for the growth that Harry Potter goes through, as well as his realization that he is not alone.

The lesson that appeals the most to me is about the personal growth that the character of Aragorn goes through. We see him at the start as a dark, mysterious, frightening Ranger. At the end we see him as a Powerful King that rules with his heart. It wasn’t until he realized his true role, that the war was won. The transformation is very similar to the transformation that happens to the character of Jack Sheppard on Lost. He also fights very hard not to be “The Leader” that everyone sees him as. Once he accepts it, he begins to change the hopes of everyone.

I am also going through a similar situation with my subconscious. Everyone sees me as a leader, but my subconscious is still struggling to accept it. For a very long time, I have been drawn to the teachings of Jim Rohn and Jerry Clark. I want so much to be like them. I took my first step as a personal development coach by creating this website. Now I see my picture in the top corner, the website looks very professional, I am getting visitors from all over the world, I am receiving many emails with incredible stories, and my heart and mind realize that I am already becoming like Jim Rohn and Jerry Clark. It was in me all along; I just needed to realize it.

But then my subconscious takes over and sees that I still haven’t really proven anything, and therefore, I am not anything like my mentors. It is a difficult battle that my mind and subconscious are having, one that I’ve been trying to work on for months now. There is not a quick or easy answer to this conflict. It will take constant reminders and positive reinforcements to my subconscious to assure myself that I am that leader.

That is why I respect the changes that Aragorn went through to become King so much. It’s not just as simple as accepting the position, but it took the overcoming of an internal battle between his mind, heart, and subconscious until there was a… Return of the King!

When we tell ourselves, “Don’t forget to bring the book,” the subconscious doesn’t understand the word “don’t”; instead it focuses on the rest of the message. In this case, the subconscious would hear, “forget the book.” Sound ridiculous? Give this a try:

Whatever you do, don’t think about biting into a very sour lemon. Don’t notice how you are breathing right now. Don’t picture a giraffe, the kind with a long neck. Don’t smile at what you are reading right now…

Did your mouth tingle with the thought of the lemon or did you smile? Even though I said “don’t”, your subconscious reacted to the dominant messages.

If you want the best results tell yourself, and others, what you want, not what you want to avoid. Let’s change a few sentences so that the listener can focus on the positive information you are giving them:

• Don’t forget your books = Remember your books
• Stop yelling at me = Talk to me in a normal way
• I can’t fail this test = It is important I pass this test
• I hope you show up on time = I know you will be there on time
• You shouldn’t smoke = Smoking is not a healthy choice

The way you talk to yourself and to others can make a big difference when it comes to getting results. Always try to tell yourself what you want, instead of what you don’t want. People will tell you to do something by using words like don’t, can’t, shouldn’t, etc.When someone tells you not to do something, don’t you want to do the opposite? Make a mental note of it and think of what they should have said in order to get better results.

Adam: “Hey Kim, thanks for lunch.”
Kim: “Sure, It was no big deal.”

Does this sound familiar? Do you do the same thing, or worse, when you are paid a compliment? You maybe trying to be humble, but this is not what comes across. Two things happen when you deflect a compliment.

1. Your subconscious doesn’t know when you are kidding or not. When you say, “It was no big deal“, your subconscious believes it. Another thing about your subconscious… IT DOESN’T LIKE TO BE WRONG! So the message that Kim’s subconscious receives is that spending time with Kim is an insignificant event.
2. When you pay someone a compliment, and they shrug it off, and aren’t really appreciative, how do you feel? A little hurt, a little defensive. After all, you were just trying to be thoughtful. That is the exact feeling that you give someone when you aren’t receptive to their compliment.

Why not thank them for the compliment and then tell them how you feel about it? People are very emotional and we want to know the impact we make in people’s lives. How would Adam feel if Kim handled the situation like this:

Adam: “Hey Kim, Thanks for lunch.”
Kim: “Thank you Adam. I’ve really wanted to spend some time with you and I’m glad we got that chance today.”

Can you see how Kim’s new replay makes Adam feel? He will probably feel very special and be assured that Kim really values their friendship. At the same time, Kim’s subconscious is assured of her value in her friendships.

The next time you are given a compliment, take a moment to really thank the person and let them know why you valued their compliment. You will feel better about yourself, and the person giving the compliment will be more likely to do it again.