How do you react when someone gives you a compliment? If you are like most people, you will shrug it off and engage in self-sabotage by insulting yourself. Here is an example of a conversation I recently overheard:

Adam: “Hey Kim, thanks for lunch.”
Kim: “Sure, It was no big deal.”

Does this sound familiar? Do you do the same thing, or worse, when you are paid a compliment? You maybe trying to be humble, but this is not what comes across. Two things happen when you deflect a compliment.

1. Your subconscious doesn’t know when you are kidding or not. When you say, “It was no big deal“, your subconscious believes it. Another thing about your subconscious… IT DOESN’T LIKE TO BE WRONG! So the message that Kim’s subconscious receives is that spending time with Kim is an insignificant event.
2. When you pay someone a compliment, and they shrug it off, and aren’t really appreciative, how do you feel? A little hurt, a little defensive. After all, you were just trying to be thoughtful. That is the exact feeling that you give someone when you aren’t receptive to their compliment.

Why not thank them for the compliment and then tell them how you feel about it? People are very emotional and we want to know the impact we make in people’s lives. How would Adam feel if Kim handled the situation like this:

Adam: “Hey Kim, Thanks for lunch.”
Kim: “Thank you Adam. I’ve really wanted to spend some time with you and I’m glad we got that chance today.”

Can you see how Kim’s new replay makes Adam feel? He will probably feel very special and be assured that Kim really values their friendship. At the same time, Kim’s subconscious is assured of her value in her friendships.

The next time you are given a compliment, take a moment to really thank the person and let them know why you valued their compliment. You will feel better about yourself, and the person giving the compliment will be more likely to do it again.

There are many times when someone comes up to me, and I can’t remember who they are for the life in me. A recent article at LifeHacker had a great idea:

If you are unable to remember someone’s first name, simply ask them: “What’s your name?” When they reply with their first name, laugh and say “Oh no, I knew that, of course. I meant your last name”. This is a much more acceptable thing to forget–and you still get their full name.

Another trick that I do is try to figure out who the person is by asking generic questions, and then narrowing it down till you figure out who it is. Say you meet someone at a Seattle Mariners Baseball Game at Safeco Field (not that I am biased or anything) while in line for a Major League Hot Dog. These are the steps that I follow:

1. Ask when the last time was that you saw each other. This will give you a great indication of the time period you have to think back to.
   Me:“WOW, it’s great to see you again. It’s been a while, when was the last time we saw each other?”
   Them:“It’s been a long time, I think High School.”
2. Ask about friends you had in common. Many times when you find out their social circle, it will ring a bell. You will now know when the last time was you saw each other and common friends.
   Me: “Do you still keep in touch with anyone from back then? How is everyone?
   Them: “I still talk to Steve Burch, Brian Bill, and Mark Cornell. They are all doing great.”
3. Ask them about a favorite moment you two had. Often times an event will jog your memory. Although you have been asking a lot of questions, the other person feels that you are showing interest in their lives.
   Me: “We sure had some great times, what was your favorite moment?”
   Them: “It has to be the time we went to the Seattle Mariner’s Ground Breaking Ceremony for Safeco Field with Brian.”
4. Ask them for their phone number and ask them how to spell their last name. If you still don’t know who the person is, there is one last trick that I use. You might be in trouble if their last name is Smith, but just make a joke of you thought that they spelled it differently.
   Me: Do you mind if we keep in touch? What’s your phone number? How do you spell your last name again?”
   Them: Sure, it’s (987) 654-3210. My last name is spelled S - W - A - N.

Now based off all of those responses, plus the last name, I have figured out that it is my friend from High School, Nick Swan.

Have you ever met someone, and within 5 minutes you can’t recall their name? Either you have a bad memory, or that person did not make a lasting impression. The truth is these days you say your “hello” and “nice to meet you” and don’t even think twice.

When I meet someone, I use the following technique to remember them, as well as make a lasting impression on them:

1. Take the initiative and introduce yourself: “Hello, my name is Rohit Rohila” in a formal setting, or “Hi, I’m Ro” in an informal setting.
2. They will tell you their name in return. In this example we will say that I meet a person named Bonnie.
3. Once you know their name, make eye contact, and slowly smile (a key technique that will be explained in greater detail in the future). Having a slow smile lets them know that you are smiling because of them, and not because they are just another body. Once you are smiling and looking them in the eyes, repeat their name and then ask them an amazing question. “Hi Bonnie, how is your day so far?” She will give the automatic response of “good” or “fine” and may even ask you the same question in return. Now what is so special about that question? I’m sure you already ask it every day. Well the magic is in the follow up question: “So what’s the best thing that’s happened to you today?”A question like, ‘What’s the best thing that has happened to you today?’ will leave the person in shock. No one ever asks a question like that. They will pause, recap their day in their mind, and then tell you what happened to them. Let’s say the highlight of Bonnie’s day is that she is celebrating the 5-day anniversary of her newly found relationship. Now the key, REMEMBER WHAT THEY TELL YOU!!!
4. When the conversation has come to an end, simply recap what has happened, “It was very nice to meet you Bonnie, and I hope that he takes you to a nice dinner for your 6th day anniversary tomorrow!”
5. Walk away with a smile.

Now say I run into Bonnie again but can’t recall her name. However, I ask her how her new relationship is. Which do you think will make Bonnie feel more special, remembering her name, or her story?