Are you like Dwight's Bobblehead?

Today while at the waiting room at the dentist’s office, I looked around to see what people were doing. I often like to people watch because it’s when people don’t know that others are observing them, that they show their real traits. If you see many people acting the same way, you can make a generalization that it is the behavior of the average person.

When I looked around, I saw many people engaged in conversation. I wanted to pay extra attention to how people were listening. Mainly, were they using the SOFTNER Listening Technique? To my amazement, almost all of the people who were listening were just nodding their head up and down, in agreement with what the person speaking was saying. Even the receptionist was nodding her head. It felt as if I was at a baseball game during Bobble Head giveaway night. Many weren’t even looking at each other, and were instead busied by their phones or magazines.

While the person who was listening may have felt that they were giving off the message that they were actively listening, this was not the message that the person speaking received. The truth is that the person who was listening could have indeed actively listened and soaked in everything that the person who was speaking was saying, but listening is also about making the other person feel as if you are listening to them, like they are the most important person in the world.

Next time you are engaged in a conversation with someone, pay attention to how you are showing that person that you are listening. Are you just nodding your head like a bobble head, or are you using the SOFTNER Listening Technique and are fully engaged. This could be the difference between an average relationship, and an exceptional one.

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Two people in deep conversation

I have the great fortune to be able to talk to The Most Important Person in the World every day. Who might it be? Some amazing philanthropist? A powerful politician? The most important person in the world is… whomever I am speaking to at the time!

A valuable lesson I learned a long time ago is that people love talking… especially about themselves. I realized something though, if everyone loves talking about themselves, then who listens? I started eavesdropping on some conversations and always noticed one thing most conversations were people who were battling with each other on who would get to talk more. They would interrupt, tune out, and start formulating what they would say as soon as the other person stopped talking.

So I started listening. I listened to the stories, the complaints, the hopes and dreams, the stresses of work, I just sat there listening using the SOFTENER technique. I listened like I was listening to the most important person in the world talking. I even listened for 2 hours while on a plane where the only thing I said was, “How are you today?”  A funny thing started happening though, people started to compliment me on how fascinating I was, how I had the most interesting views on life, and how much they enjoyed conversing with me, even though I would hardly say a few word.

I started attracting people into my life. At parties people would ask me if I was “the one that everyone says listens.” This often led to a long walk and an emotional breakdown by the person. But the more I would listen, the more people would respect me and take to heart my desire to support them. I started sharing lessons that I had learned from all of the books, audio CDs, and seminars I went to. I started asking what they wanted out of life, and where they would be in 5 years if they stayed on their current paths.

By treating people like they are the most important person in the world, you will be amazed at how valuable you will become in people’s lives.

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1. 1 Person CAN Make A Difference!

This question is asked because either the person really is interested in what you do, or it’s just an automatic response when you first meet someone. Usually the answer is always dull and dry. “I’m a doctor”, “I work at a coffee shop”, “I’m an accountant”, “I sell cars”, etc. Although all of these answers maybe true, they lack an exciting punch that draws people into you. Make your answers a little bit more personal and try to make it about the other person if possible. Also try to tell stories around what you do. Remember the old saying, “Facts tell, stories sell.” Lets take a look at 3 techniques that can help you strengthen a relationship when you first meet someone:

1. Link it to them: Tell the person you are meeting how you can benefit them directly. People are always looking to network and ways to help their lives become easier. If you meet someone who is a small business owner, and you are an IT Consultant, well tell them a time where you have helped a small business owner by saving their IT costs by X amount of dollars.
2. Tell a story: Say you are a car salesman. You could say, “I sell cars”, but that does not help strengthen your relationship at all. What if you instead tell them an interesting story. What about the time you sold 5 cars in one day, or were taking a test drive with a crazy person, or maybe you got into a fender-bender. Whatever story you choose make it interesting and most importantly, unique. Talking about an award you may have been honored with is not interesting to the other person.
3. Make It Interesting: If your job is not exciting to most people, say you try to get new advertising account for phone books, you can still present your occupation in an interesting way by posing a question that the other person may have been curious about. “Have you ever wondered how those coupons get into phone books?”

Keep these 3 tips in mind and most of all remember to just relax and have fun. You may be a doctor, but what about that time you were called at 3AM to perform that emergency appendectomy? Now that’s a little bit more exciting!

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1. How to Answer Your Phone

If you walk up to a customer and ask if they would like any help, just like you would do, their automatic response is “no thanks” or “I’m just looking.” Asking if someone needs help will almost always result in a negative response, leading to… no demo.

A functional trick that I have found is asking an open ended question (a question that cannot be answered by yes or no). Statements also work very well. The one I use most often, that almost always leads to a sale, is: “You look like you are in deep thought…” The response is always a little chuckle (which tells me that they have let down their guard and will now open up to me) and then they tell me what they are thinking. A benefit to this is that I am doing something that the other salespeople are not doing, which helps me in setting myself apart.

Give it a try, use the above phrase or use your own. Just do whatever you can to be different!

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I finally got a text message around 10:00 PM that said, “Hey, I fell asleep after I got off of work. Sorry.”

That’s it, no real apology, no real explanation. How likely do you think I am to work with this person again?

I started thinking about how little apologies mean because of how little thought goes into them. How many times a day do you hear, “I’m sorry” said with no emotion or sincerity? Here are 7 points to include in a sincere apology:

1. Be sincere in your apology- “I’m sincerely sorry…”
2. What you did- “That I missed our meeting.”
3. Why you did it, don’t justify by using the word ‘because’- “I had fallen asleep when I got home from work.”
4. How the other person felt- “I know that you must be feeling that I am not reliable…”
5. How it impacted the other person- “And that you wasted a lot of time waiting for me…”
6. Tell them how you can fix it- “But I would really appreciate it if you gave me another chance.”
7. Apologize again and why- “I really am sorry I missed our meeting”

Can you see the difference? Do you think I would work with this person again if they had given me that response? Of course I would because they just let me know that they value my time and want to put forth the effort to make things right. Also, having a sincere apology that explains what happens and how to fix things also does wonders when it comes to defusing a volatile situation.

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1. 8 Points to a Great Voicemail Greeting

During the 2 hour flight, she did the majority of the talking. In between her pauses, I would only ask her more questions. She answered away, and then waited for my next one. She loved it! After the flight, she gave me a big hug, and even though she did all of the talking, told me that I was one of the nicest, most interesting people that she has ever met.

I could have just sat back, relaxed, listened to my personal development CD’s on my MP3 Player, but instead I sat there listening, using the SOFTNER Technique. Because I only spoke for about 10% of the time, and even that was just asking questions, she sensed that I had a sincere interest in her. Also, people very seldom have the opportunity to just talk about themselves, something everyone loves to do. I found out about her family life, her childhood, why she chose her line of work, you get the idea.

I was able to create a strong connection by just asking questions and listening to her using the SOFTNER Technique. The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, take a step back, and just ask questions. You may realize that you have very little patience and get easily bored around conversations that aren’t centered around you.

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Voice Mail

It has now been over a month since I first published 8 Points To A Great Voicemail Greeting. Point 5 was to change your greeting every month. This is just a reminder, have you changed your Voicemail Greeting lately?

I have began to call people who have indeed changed their voicemail greetings using the 8 points and the message that they are sending out is that they really welcome voicemails and communication. There are still other people that I call who have not changed their voicemails in all the years that I have known them. Their greeting is very uninviting, and I know that is not the message that they are trying to send out, yet they are not doing anything about it. Worst of all, there are many who still have the automated voicemail greetings.

After you have finished reading this, call your voicemail and ask yourself a few questions:

• Do I sound friendly and inviting?
• Is my greeting exciting and not boring?
• Does it have a hint of my personality in it?
• Does it sound personal and not like a generic greeting?

If you answered “no” to any of those questions, it’s time to change! To hear what my voicemail sounds like, feel free to give me a call at (360) 259-6232. Now please keep in mind that you are calling my cell phone… so I might actually pick up. If so, get ready for a wonderful conversation. Another thing to remember is that I am in the Pacific Time Zone. Either way, it would be great to hear from you!

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1. 8 Points to a Great Voicemail Greeting

“Josh, this is Karla. Karla, this is Josh”

And once the introductions are made, the conversation sounds similar to this:

“Hi Karla, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too Josh”

But then the conversation dies. It’s not Josh’s fault and it’s not Karla’s fault, the fault lies with the introduction. When you introduce two people, what you really want to do is build a relationship. For that to happen, you must give a foundation for the relationship to build on. Instead of just telling each other the names, why not give them some information about each other so that they can actually have a conversation. Here are 6 techniques that have proven effective for me:

1. Similar Interests: Chung, I know how much you love Germany. My friend Nickie actually just got back from Germany last week.
2. Their hobbies: Jessica, this is David. Like you, he has also been playing tennis for years.
3. Their talents: Frodo, I’d like you to meet Samwise. Sam is an incredible gardener.
4. An interesting fact: Robin, this is Ted. Did you know that Ted actually licked the Liberty Bell?
5. A professional relationship starter: Nam, this is Anthony who is the CIO of XYZ Corporation. Anthony, Nam is an IT Consultant who specializes in DBA.
6. Say something nice: Carie, I’d like you to meet Rhyan. Rhyan is by far one of the funniest people I know.

As you can see, introducing people can be fun and easy. Simply give the names, and then a little bit of information so that they can begin a conversation. Not only will the two people have a better conversation, but you will begin to have the reputation of being known as a people connector.

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However, I made a decision to use Facebook for good instead of evil With a great number of employees turning to the Internet to research perspective employees, it has become very important to be very careful about how you portray yourself online. A quick Google search can be a lot more revealing than you may wish. Here are some of the changes that I made to my MySpace account. Many of these changes can be made to Facebook and other Social Networking sites as well.

1. What’s My Name?: My name went from “Rohit” to “RohitRohila.com”. That way, whenever anyone sees my name, they know my website address as well.
2. Hide The Evidence: I took off any pictures that might be “inappropriate,” including that picture of me dressed up like a Playboy Bunny for Halloween… ah… I mean the picture of me dressed up like Darth Vader.
3. Brand Yourself: My main picture was changed to a more professional picture. It is the same picture that I now use for all of my avatars, including AIM, MSN, Google, Yahoo, MySpace, MyBlogLog, Facebook, etc. I want people to instantly see that picture and associate it with me.
4. Join Groups: Facebook presents great opportunities to start networking. I joined many groups that were related to my interests of personal development, growth, and entrepreneurship. I can now make bulletin’s to those groups about my posts.
5. Blogs: I started posting the articles from this website as Blogs on my Facebook. However, instead of posting the entire article, I posted an excerpt and then told the reader that the entire article can be found on my website.
6. Bulletins: Bulletins can also be an effective way to communicate your messages. I started to send bulletins with entire articles and saw an increase of traffic flow.
7. Your Profile: Although customizing your profile is an excellent way to express yourself, many people can get a bit carried away. Bright flashing stars, pink backgrounds with yellow letters, videos, music, pictures, it’s enough to drive anyone insane. I changed my profile to be very simple, and to look very similar to my website. There isn’t any flash to it, but it’s also not annoying.
8. Famous Friends: There are many personal development speakers and authors who are also using Facebook to promote their business. I began to add them as friends. Now I can post comments on their Facebook profiles for others to read. I tell about an interesting article that I just posted, with a link to that post.
9. Leave Comments: I started to post comments on my friend’s pages who might be interested in one of my posts. For example if I had a post about Customer Service, I could leave a comment about that article on a friend’s page who works in sales.

By making these changes, 8% of my websites traffic is now through Facebook. I would love to hear how some of you have promoted yourself through Social Network sites like Google+ and Facebook.

WARNING: Be careful not to overdue it with the comments or the references to your website. Over advertising can be annoying and cause people to not visit your site at all.

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Listening carefully

One of the most important listening techniques that I have come across is what has been called the SOFTENER Technique.
S mile
O pen Body
F orward Lean
T ouch
E ye Contact
N odding
E nergy Level
R elative Distance

Smile- Sounds simple, doesn’t it? When someone is talking to you, smile! So few people do it, and most who do it abuse it. Don’t just stand there smiling the entire time. The speaker gets the feeling that they are not important, nothing special about them, that you just smile at everyone and everything that walks by. Instead do what Liel calls a “Flooding Smile.” Instead of immediately smiling, take a second, pause, look at the speaker’s face, then slowly smile. The speaker feels as if though you are smiling because of them, and they get the feeling that you find them special. They will be drawn to you and your magnificent smile!

Open Body Language- Close your eyes, imagine that you are speaking to someone. They are standing still, arms crossed, not moving at all. Did you feel comfortable? Did you get the feeling that the other speaker had more important things on his mind? Often times this is the way we listen and we don’t even realize the negative message we are sending out. Instead of crossing your arms, simple place your hands behind your back. Not only is it comfortable, but you give off the impression that you are extremely interested in the other speaker.

Forward Lean- Have you ever really looked around in the movie theater? You can always tell when the climax of the movie is because everyone is on the edge of their seats. It shows that they are extremely interested in what is going on. Just like at the movies, when you are engaged in a conversation, lean forward a little and let the person speaking know that you are hanging on their every word. Now don’t lean to far, and don’t lean all the time, just every now and then and only when appropriate.

Touch- When you are speaking with someone, and they reach out and touch your arm or your hand, how does it make you feel? A light simple touch gives the speaker a sense that a connection has been made. When a person tells a joke, laugh, smile, touch their shoulder or arm, and make a little comment about how funny they are.

BE VERY CAREFUL!!!! It is VERY easy to give the wrong impression with light touches. There are some social rules that must be followed. First off only touch a person 1 time, anymore and it’s too much. Second, do not touch at work. Third, if you are a male, be careful that you will not offend a female speaker.

Eye Contact- We hear all the time how important eye contact is, yet we still don’t do it. You should close out the world and focus on the speaker. The other day I was in a meeting with a business associate. Several times in our hour long meeting, he looked at his watch, his cell phone, and the people walking by. Now I’m sure he had reasons for doing this, maybe he had a meeting to go to afterwards and was on a tight schedule? Maybe he was supposed to meet someone? Whatever the case, I felt like he was bored with what I was saying and was looking around for anything that was more exciting.

Another time when you should have great eye contact is when you are speaking to a group of people. Now there are many who believe that you should scan the room, making brief eye contact with everyone and keep your eyes moving. I feel that this just creates an illusion of being aware of your audience. Instead, as you are speaking, look directly into the eyes of a random individual for a few seconds. Not only does this let them know that you are aware of them, but they will make certain to pay extra attention in case you look at them again. Now be careful not to stare, just a few seconds, with a warm smile should do the trick.

Nodding- Nodding your head up and down not only lets the speaker know that you are interested and engaged in the conversation, but it also lets them know that you are listening. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they nod their head side to side? This is an indication that the listener has made up their, the speaker is wrong, and they have stopped listening and are ready for a rebuttal. Another thing that you can do wrong is be a human bobble-head. Only nod occasionally, and when the speaker is making a point, even if you do not agree with the point.

Energy Level- This is perhaps the most important aspect for the SOFTENER Listening Technique. Now don’t be bouncing off the walls, but don’t stand there completely emotionless like a corpse. Be excited, SHOW them that you are listening. Take deep breathes, get some oxygen to your brain. Be awake and energized.

Relative Distance- The distance between yourself and the speaker is very important. Too far away, and it feels as if though you are not involved. Too close and you are invading a persons personal space. A good rule of thumb is that you should be about an arms length away.

Now go out and practice these techniques. Use them all the time with everyone you speak with.

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