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How do you react when someone gives you a compliment? If you are like most people, you will shrug it off and engage in self-sabotage by insulting yourself. Here is an example of a conversation I recently overheard:
Adam: “Hey Kim, thanks for lunch.”
Kim: “Sure, It was no big deal.”
Does this sound familiar? Do you do the same thing, or worse, when you are paid a compliment? You maybe trying to be humble, but this is not what comes across. Two things happen when you deflect a compliment.
- Your subconscious doesn’t know when you are kidding or not. When you say, “It was no big deal“, your subconscious believes it. Another thing about your subconscious… IT DOESN’T LIKE TO BE WRONG! So the message that Kim’s subconscious receives is that spending time with Kim is an insignificant event.
- When you pay someone a compliment, and they shrug it off, and aren’t really appreciative, how do you feel? A little hurt, a little defensive. After all, you were just trying to be thoughtful. That is the exact feeling that you give someone when you aren’t receptive to their compliment.
Why not thank them for the compliment and then tell them how you feel about it? People are very emotional and we want to know the impact we make in people’s lives. How would Adam feel if Kim handled the situation like this:
Adam: “Hey Kim, Thanks for lunch.”
Kim: “Thank you Adam. I’ve really wanted to spend some time with you and I’m glad we got that chance today.”
Can you see how Kim’s new replay makes Adam feel? He will probably feel very special and be assured that Kim really values their friendship. At the same time, Kim’s subconscious is assured of her value in her friendships.
The next time you are given a compliment, take a moment to really thank the person and let them know why you valued their compliment. You will feel better about yourself, and the person giving the compliment will be more likely to do it again.